The Struggle to Guide and Control Life

There’s a certain discipline in stillness — a quiet tension that lives between control and surrender.
These portraits were made during a slow afternoon at the studio, when I once again became my own stand-in.

The lights were sharp. The silence, heavier than usual. Somewhere between the clicks of the shutter, I found myself reflecting on that fine line between creation and control — on how much of life’s beauty lies not in order, but in letting it unfold.

I. A Few More Shots of Me Being a Stand-In

It wasn’t planned. I was testing light, movement, framing. But the images that emerged felt closer to something personal — a study of patience, repetition, and restraint.
There’s a vulnerability in photographing yourself. A mirror that doesn’t flatter, but observes.

II. “It’s Not Life That’s Complicated…”

"It is not life that’s complicated, it’s the struggle to guide and control life."
— F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise

That line lingered with me as I edited these frames. The quote, traced in red, felt like a boundary — an attempt to contain thought, to outline what can’t be entirely understood.

The red lines became a metaphor for the human tendency to frame everything — to control chaos with form. But as Fitzgerald said, maybe the challenge is to stop fighting it.

III. A Study in Shadows

The light fell exactly where it wanted. My gestures became instinctive, mechanical, unconscious.
In those small imperfections — a half-smile, a blurred hand — there was something true.

This series isn’t about performance; it’s about practice. About the discipline of returning to the frame, again and again, until it stops being about the image, and becomes about being present.

These photographs remind me that the act of creating is often a reflection of life itself:

controlled at first, spontaneous in the end.